I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
