Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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