Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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