Betty ford says i'm here all night
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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