My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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