Capitaan dildo arrescate!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
