so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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