i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
