Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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