i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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