We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
