know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
