I wish I could punch you in the face.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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