I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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