I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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