I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
