my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
