So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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