So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
