worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
