He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
