I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
