Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
