I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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