I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
