She's JV to your varsity
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
