its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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