I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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