Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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