Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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