How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
