I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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