I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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