Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
