We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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