I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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