recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
