I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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