hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
