Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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