Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
