i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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