her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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