the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
