is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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