Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
