The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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