saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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