i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
