Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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