Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
