I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
