Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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