does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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