This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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