tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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