8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
