I wish my penis had an off switch
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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