i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize