i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
