they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
