I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
