I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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