I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
