I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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