I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
