I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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