Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
