3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
