Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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